Pumpkin Chocolate Chip Muffins

These are melancholy muffins.

Muffins are historically a grieving food. And they’re historically a welcoming gift. We give muffins in a pretty little basket with a note on either occasion to show we care. Grandma is about to go. So I make muffins.

I make muffins to comfort the people I love, but mostly, I make muffins to comfort myself. Or that’s what I thought. As I watched my beauties cool, I realized that they are not for me. They are for you, Grandma. We’ll miss you here. Welcome home. They’re for you. And I need you to know that I care. These are so much more than just muffins. They are her muffins. They are her legacy, and I will never make them without thinking of her.

I’m lost in the bitterness of it all, and I don’t know which way is up. I’ve known all along that it was coming, but it’s still a shock to my firmness and stability. A quiver under my foundation that somehow turned into a mega-thrust. It’s almost worse that I imagined. And then there’s the muffin. It’s delicious. And perfect. And gluten-free. I know she would be proud.

Pumpkin Chocolate Chip Muffins (GF)

• 1 14 oz. can of pureed organic pumpkin
• 3 eggs or equivalent in flax gel or egg replacer
• 1/2 cup vegetable oil
• 1/4 cup applesauce
• 1/2 cup water
• 2 1/2 cups gluten-free flour or 1 1/2 cups brown rice flour, 3/4 cup potato starch, and 1/4 cup tapioca starch
• 2 cups sugar
• 1 1/2 tsp. cinnamon
• 1 tsp. ground ginger
• 1/4 tsp. ground cloves
• 1 1/2 tsp. baking soda
• 1/2 tsp. baking powder
• 1 tsp. salt
• 1 1/2 cups chocolate chips

Preheat oven to 350° F. Combine the wet and the dry ingredients in separate bowls, and then mix them together. Pour into prepared muffins pans. Bake for approximately 25 minutes. Yields 15 muffins.